BRIDELESS GROOM (1947)
124 shots over 16:38, read from the Internet Archive copy brideless_groom (brideless_groom.mp4, 640×480, 29.97 fps). Shot boundaries by PySceneDetect's adaptive detector; each frame links to the Archive's player at that second. Registry dossier: BRIDELESS GROOM No renewal found. JSON
Measurements: black-and-white film on its keyframes (0 of 124 shots judged colour), average shot 8.1s long, a frontal face detected in 30% of keyframes. Shots are detected automatically and each is represented by its midpoint frame.
Transcript
Machine transcription of the Archive copy's audio with Whisper large-v3-turbo (temperature 0); the model heard it as en. 195 segments kept, 51 dropped as the kind of hallucination the model produces over music and silence. Each timestamp links to the Archive's player at that second. This has not been checked against the film and can be wrong.
- 0:22 Ah!
- 0:38 Now, you see, Miss Tinklemeyer,
- 0:39 That's the way it should be sung. Shall we try it again? I'll try anything for you, Professor. Oh, that's fine, fine.
- 0:47 If you please, Doctor.
- 0:50 Drop that little circle.
- 0:53 Doctor!
- 0:54 Oh!
- 0:55 Lay.
- 1:23 No, no. You are too portissimo. Too allegro, too quantro. Oh, is that bad? It ain't good. You're supposed to be singing about the voices of spring, not the eruption of a volcano. Give with the throat, not with the fellows. Oh, oh, Professor. Oh, no.
- 1:36 You want it more like a bird! That's it.
- 1:39 That's it. Give me the bird.
- 1:41 *sad sound*
- 1:43 Oh! Oh!
- 1:47 Look.
- 1:49 Oh!
- 1:51 Play.
- 1:57 *Screaming*
- 2:02 Oh, my God.
- 2:20 Ah! Ah!
- 2:27 Hurray!
175 more segments
- 2:33 That's enough.
- 2:34 We've done enough for the day. You might hurt your voice. You know, bend it, crack it, or break it or something. Oh, Professor, you're so considerate. I'm just crazy about you. Don't forget, we've got another lesson Tuesday. Gargle with old razor blades. All right, Professor. I know you wouldn't want anything to happen to my throat.
- 2:52 Except to have somebody cut it.
- 2:55 How would you like to be married to a dame like that?
- 2:57 Don't even say that.
- 2:58 Oh!
- 2:59 I order. You order what? I ought to be a little more careful. Well, shut up and listen. Do you remember your Uncle Caleb? Do I? Why, that old tightwad heatsteel flies from a blind spider. But Shemp, he's... He's a loss and a weasel. Yeah, well, he just died and left you 500,000 bucks. Just like that old skin flint.
- 3:14 500,000 bucks! Poor old Uncle Caleb. Like I was saying, he was a swell guy. Give me the shirt off his back and throw in the buttons too. But there's one little catch.
- 3:27 You get the dough provided you're married. So... Married? No. No, fellas. I'm gonna faint. Oh.
- 3:36 Or... Or what?
- 3:37 If you get married, within 48 hours of the reading of the will. What time was that? Six o'clock a night before last. You just got seven hours to get yourself a bride. It can't be done. No woman is interested in me. Maybe not, pal. But if you look real hard, you might find one that's interested in a half a million bucks. Maybe you've got something there. You're darn right he has. Do you know any girls? I've got a lot of numbers, but I haven't had much luck with them lately. Well, you can't get killed for trying. Where's the phone? There's a booth down the hall. Well, what are we waiting for? Come on. Down the hall.
- 4:07 Oh!
- 4:08 Here, here's six nickels. That makes 17. You ought to hit the jackpot with one of them.
- 4:11 Go ahead.
- 4:21 Give me Susquehanna 2222.
- 4:26 Say, he's been in there over an hour. What do you get nervous about? When Shem paws on the charm, no dame can resist him. I hope you're right. I hope you're right.
- 4:33 Hello?
- 4:34 Is this Ginger Grey?
- 4:36 It is? Well, this is your little snoogums.
- 4:39 I'm about to do you a big favor. Will you marry me? Oh.
- 4:43 Oh!
- 4:44 Oh, hey, any luck?
- 4:49 I've got one phone number and one nickel left.
- 4:51 Well, start using it.
- 4:53 Oh...
- 4:55 You clumsy ox, you. Let that go. It will go here someplace. Let's find it.
- 5:00 Take it over that side. Take it over that side. Look out. Don't get that buck off of me. Oh, no.
- 5:07 Take this receiver. I got it. I got it. Oh, God.
- 5:11 Oh, I just think that. Wait a minute. All right. Get this out of here. Here. All right.
- 5:18 - Hi.
- 5:18 Easy, easy, easy. Get off your foot. Look at what I got here.
- 5:21 What is that? One of those? Yeah, wait a minute. It means around under my arm.
- 5:25 then up here around the neck
- 5:27 Put your hand over here. Oh, all right. All right.
- 5:30 - Oh, all right. - Wait a minute.
- 5:32 - All right. - All right.
- 5:35 Now, wait a minute.
- 5:36 Can you dial from there? No, can you? Yeah.
- 5:45 Wait a minute. If I come around like this one...
- 5:49 Get up in this one.
- 5:51 How's that?
- 5:52 Well, it don't feel as good as what I did.
- 5:55 This. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'll take it easy. How about...
- 5:59 Will you make it no place fast?
- 6:02 Let's get at this thing right the right way. You won't always get this off. All right, wait a minute.
- 6:06 All right. Can't stare at him. It started with the book, didn't it?
- 6:11 No!
- 6:13 Where's your heart?
- 6:20 How you doin'?
- 6:26 Get your hand out of my face. That ain't my hand, it's your hand. All right, you asked for it.
- 6:31 Ow! Wait a minute.
- 6:35 Famous.
- 6:36 Would you like to get married? What? Get married. Well, I don't know. But you are kind of cute at that. Oh, it's not me. It's him.
- 6:45 Oh!
- 6:48 You've got to get out of us. All right. There isn't much time left. You know that, don't you? All right. What happened?
- 6:55 That's what I want to know.
- 7:00 Wait a minute.
- 7:04 *crickets*
- 7:06 Did you get a load of that?
- 7:07 What is she? I wonder who she is.
- 7:09 We'll soon find out.
- 7:11 - Oh boy. - Yes.
- 7:12 Who's the new dame? A Miss Hopkins.
- 7:14 Miss Hopkins, did you hear that kid? And good looking too. Go get her, Shep.
- 7:19 Did he? Oh, wait a minute. You can't propose to a girl looking like that.
- 7:24 We gotta give you the works, come on.
- 7:30 Stand still, will you? We gotta get going. It's 3 o'clock now. Yeah? And if you don't matter a girl by 6 o'clock, we're out of the money.
- 7:41 I said stand still.
- 7:43 *Bell rings*
- 7:44 Oh, oh, Mo! Mo! I'm blind! You're pointing my eye out! Get a towel, Mo! Get a towel! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
- 7:52 Hey, where are the towels?
- 7:54 in the bottom drawer.
- 7:59 I got it.
- 8:04 You sure look funny with a bust of brown collar.
- 8:06 Hold that.
- 8:07 Oh.
- 8:10 Where are you?
- 8:13 Here.
- 8:15 Say, I forgot to tell you, when the afternoon papers come out, you're going to be famous. How come?
- 8:20 I gave the story to the reporters. Yes, sir. Shemp Howard to inherit a half a million bucks.
- 8:24 Let's get going, kid.
- 8:28 Pfft.
- 8:30 Knock, knock.
- 8:31 I'm telling you to hold still now. I'm warning you.
- 8:34 What's that good?
- 8:35 Here!
- 8:37 Oh, stay out.
- 8:46 Oh, poor man, seven years old, I've got a look.
- 8:53 Oh!
- 8:56 How do you like that?
- 8:59 Oh.
- 9:02 I said stand still. Oh, oh.
- 9:05 Oh!
- 9:06 Hey, I cut off my head. I cut off my head. Mo, my head is off. Mo, my head is off. My head is off.
- 9:14 Oh, there I am.
- 9:15 And as pretty as a picture. Yeah, but Nate. Oh, get going. This means half a million dollars. I know what it means.
- 9:24 Here you are.
- 9:27 Boy, am I tired.
- 9:29 Where do I throw this water?
- 9:35 You look good. You look great, kid. You're a cinch. Go to it.
- 9:38 Oh, come on, come on.
- 9:52 Help me.
- 9:56 Hello. Oh, hello. Come in. Cousin Basil. Oh, I'm so happy to see you. I, I... I've just been dying to meet you. You're even cuter than that lady said you were.
- 10:16 Oh boy, success!
- 10:17 Yeah, listen to those kisses.
- 10:21 Okay.
- 10:22 Cut it.
- 10:24 Oh, you must be exhausted after your long trip. Sit down. Let me look at you, Cousin Basil.
- 10:33 Now, don't you go away.
- 10:36 Hello?
- 10:37 Yes, this is Miss Hopkins.
- 10:39 Your cousin Basil?
- 10:41 Well, then who is? I was just... How dare you pretend to be my cousin Basil? I'll take you a thing or two. You won't. Don't you dare strike me. Who? Taking advantage of a poor, white, helpless woman. Oh, my God.
- 10:53 Boy, your kisses are getting loud. You, you, you horrible person, you.
- 11:00 Get up, get up. What happened, kid? Can I help it if I ain't cousin Basil? Oh, Professor, are you all right? Oh, I'm fine. Oh.
- 11:11 All I wanted to do was propose but-- - Propose?
- 11:13 Oh, God.
- 11:14 Professor, this is so sudden. You mean you'll really marry him? Oh, of course. He's my little old dreamboat. Your little dreamboat is sailing. Oh, oh, oh, oh, wait a minute.
- 11:26 You're gonna save away from a half a million bucks? We only got two hours left.
- 11:29 Come on, get going. Come on.
- 11:36 Come right in, folks!
- 11:40 Say, here's the license. My pal wants to get married in a rush. Oh, it's splendid. Oh, excuse me.
- 11:46 Hello?
- 11:48 Who?
- 11:49 Mr. Howard!
- 11:50 You see there?
- 11:52 Hello?
- 11:53 Yes?
- 11:54 What?
- 11:55 How many of them?
- 11:57 Wow.
- 12:00 That was the clerk at the apartment. Those dames you phoned this morning found out about the 500 grand in the papers.
- 12:05 Come on, pal. We've got to make this fast. Have you got the ring?
- 12:08 Why, certainly.
- 12:10 Certainly I got it.
- 12:11 Oh! It wasn't a piano.
- 12:15 Get it.
- 12:17 You see anything?
- 12:18 Yeah, wires.
- 12:21 Listen, you. What?
- 12:22 You know, I think the piano's out, too.
- 12:24 Come on.
- 12:26 I think I see. Oh. Oh. Get up. Get me out.
- 12:32 My face. Oh, my face.
- 12:33 You want to spoil my looks? Impossible. Never mind your face and get that ring. It's a quarter of six.
- 12:42 Oh!
- 12:43 Oh, I'm awful. Sorry. So am I.
- 12:59 Oh!
- 12:59 Oh, he's all tangled up with wires. All right, well, back him up and we'll break him out of the way. Oh, my. Oh, piano. Shut up. Hey, sit him down. We'll get a new grip.
- 13:13 Okay.
- 13:14 Easy. Now wait. Get the stuff off. Oh, oh, oh.
- 13:17 You'll get in the messes every time. Give me a round.
- 13:21 I'm a few minutes left and no ring, no nothing. Wait a minute, fellas. Wait a minute.
- 13:27 Here's the ring. How do you like that? Get out of here.
- 13:30 Okay, partner, we're ready for the kickoff.
- 13:32 All right.
- 13:33 Join hands, you lovebirds.
- 13:36 - Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- 13:42 Who is this character?
- 13:45 She's the bride. Oh, yeah? Not while I got my strength. Tell me, Toodles, didn't you propose to me? Yes, but I'm with you. Didn't you? Yes, but you turned me down. That was before I read the papers. Now I accept. Okay, Tuss, let her rip. Don't even propose to me, sir. Oh, wait. Look at that. We better do something fast.
- 14:05 Yeah. Wait a minute. What's going on here?
- 14:24 - Oh, no, Justice, please. Please. Hurry up. - Yes, you're just in there. Hold hands, you love bird.
- 14:39 Oh, my goodness.
- 14:47 Ow! Oh! Oh, no!
- 14:53 You wouldn't hit a lady with that.
- 14:55 Use this, it's bigger. Oh, no.
- 15:03 Will you marry me? Never.
- 15:33 I'm getting a headache! Oh, it's your headache. Oh! Oh, Larry, enough to put this down! Larry! Hold still, hold still, Larry! Oh!
- 15:43 I've got a troll out of those. Now what do you say? I give up on Marriott.
- 15:50 Oh, my God.
- 16:00 Oh, Mr. Buzzard, please, please hurry. Hold hands, you lovely bird.
- 16:12 How do you mean, how am I?
- 16:19 We made it. It takes a clock and you're married.
- 16:21 What happened? What happened? You're married, kid. Say something!
- 16:25 Help! Help!
The video itself is not here and never will be; only the shot list, one small frame per shot, and text read off the frames by OCR. The status badge is the registry's finding about the copyright record, which is separate from whether this particular Archive copy is the film it says it is.
BRIDELESS GREEN McINTYRE
